It also happens to be a favourite Christmas movie of the masses. Consequently, there are countless think pieces and "Definitive Rankings Of" lists. Buzzfeed has given us a great hoard of them over the past 5 years: This is What it's Like to Watch "Love Actually" for the First Time, 50 Things You Probably Didn't Know About "Love Actually", Which Political Party is Hugh Grant Representing in "Love Actually", and, most importantly, The Definitive Ranking of All of the Turtlenecks in "Love Actually".
But I figured, as Love Actually's biggest fan, it was time I do my own Definitive Ranking Of.
Here is my Definitive Ranking of the Best and Worst Love Actually Characters.
10. That Radio Host who Slags off Billy Mack Right Before he Goes Live in Studio With his Colleague
First of all, not only is it unprofessional to bad-mouth a musician just trying to do his best on public radio, it is inconsiderate that he hasn't even seen what is on his friend's show for the day. He's a music snob and a bad friend.
9. Tony, Colin's friend
This guy is a terrible friend to Colin. Instead of listening when Colin tells him he's lonely and wants a girlfriend, or giving him advice on how to talk to women so he doesn't get shut down as much, he calls him "an ugly, lonely asshole" and tells him he "must accept it." Rude! Also, he never makes it quite clear if the movies he's directing are porn; if they are, he's made questionable life choices himself and should ease up on his only friend.
8. The Woman in Charge of Hiring Help for Colin Firth
This character, whose name I JUST learned is Eleonore, can be viewed as a hero - she inadvertently sets up the greatest love story of the movie when she hires Aurelia to work for Jamie. But she's actually really condescending when Jamie tries to speak French, and instead of trying to help translate his English to Portuguese for Aurelia, she just mocks him repeatedly. WHO ARE YOU HELPING, ELEONORE!?!?
4. Billy-Bob Thornton
Karl is the most tragic character for me, because he's a wimpy little poop head. He knows Laura Linney is in love with him and he reciprocates but he waits two years to make his move. And when he finally stops being a coward, he can't handle a woman as robust and loyal and complicated as Laura Linney! I mean, he is a walking contradiction. He tells her "life is full of interruptions and complications" but as soon as that complication interrupts his sex life ONCE, he puts a kibosh to the whole sordid affair without even having a real conversation about it! He is a pitiful, lonely asshole (Tony should've saved that line for him (except no one could ever call Karl ugly)).
1. Alan Rickman (aka Harry but I have never called him that)
Not to speak ill of the dead, but Alan Rickman is the WORST. He does so many terrible things that I have to list them in bullet-points:
- Cheats on Emma Thompson, his loving devoted wife and mother of his two children, not to mention the sister of the Prime Minister, with the aforementioned terrible Mia. He's not even smart or cool about it. He's awkward and too old and he lets Mia lead him down a terrible road and sees it coming and does nothing to stop it.
- Basically ignores Emma Thompson when she's pouring her heart out to him about finding meaning in her life, and then criticizes her for liking Joni Mitchell.
- Is outrageously inappropriately involved in his colleagues' personal lives. Pro tip: if your much older male boss calls you into his office, tells you to turn off your phone, and advises you to tell another colleague that "you'd like to have lots of sex and babies," REPORT HIM TO HR.
We see the most character growth from Daniel in this movie. He's a sad sack at the beginning (and rightly so; his wife just died!), but by the end he has found renewed meaning in his relationship with Sam. He reveals himself to be a great step-dad in that he takes Sam's concerns seriously, and he genuinely does what he can to help make his dreams come true. Daniel is encouraging, helpful, and funny. This is obviously backstory for Taken.