An Open Letter: To My Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

First and foremost: I hope you exist. I hope I am not writing this to nobody, because then this whole endeavour will have been a waste of my time. But I'll be honest with you Future Hubby, and I'm sure you already know this, I waste a lot of time anyway so perhaps I've rendered my previous point moot.

Future Husband, I'm sure you are a pretty top notch person. I bet you're funny and more intelligent than I am. I bet you're one of these smart people who knows a lot about math and science-y things, and I'm sure I originally found your extensive knowledge of astro-physics charming at first, but it's probably a little bit boring now. So even though you're still really cute, maybe you could just not talk about it as much around company and my mom.

I know you must love God. You're friendly and open-minded - obviously, or else I wouldn't have married you. I hope you have a really great book collection that complements mine, and I hope we have a library with two leather chaise lounges and deep mahogany bookshelves filled to capacity that reach the ceiling in our home. If you don't collect books, you'd better collect DVDs and TV box sets or else what on earth do we do on a Tuesday night? I hope our home is filled with lively, intellectual discussion, as well as inane banter about the internet. I hope our home is a place where thinking and questioning is encouraged.

I hope our home is a place where there's always a pot of soup on the stove, muffins on the counter, and people are always welcome. I hope there is music and laughter, and that even when we're tired and cranky and just want to be alone that we will remember that there is joy in community. My friends are parts of my soul, and I hope you have had the privilege of creating sacred friendships too. Our friends will be a part of our everyday lives and they will always know how much we love them. I hope we have the wisdom to know when a friendship has run its course and the courage to let it go, while being open to new and interesting people who come across our paths.

In the unlikely event that you are an outdoorsy person, I hope you have made me outdoorsy, too. Not like in an "I'm going to hike Mount Everest" kind of way. Or even in an "I'm going to hike" kind of way. I hope you have given me new interests and inspired me to push beyond what is comfortable. I hope I've challenged you in the same way. I hope that even though I yell and complain and moan about it, you understand that it's just my way of getting there, and that I am grateful that you have suffered through with me. And there better be ice cream to follow any outdoor expedition.

Dear Husband, I hope you have a lovely family. I want you to love your mother and treat her with respect, and I hope your father is a good man who has been an example of how to be a strong, spiritual head of your household. If your parents have passed on, or if you did not have a healthy relationship, I am sorry. I hope you have healed, and I promise together we can build a solid, happy family. I hope my family likes you. It'd be great if my mom and dad thought you were a good man with integrity and a desire to love and respect me until death do us part. Also, if you could like cars and carpentry so you'd get along with my brother in law, I'd be grateful.

I hope when we grow as a family that we work together. We will be a team, each taking on different roles but sharing when necessary. I promise that if I embarrass or disrespect you, either alone or in public, I will apologize and mean it. I hope we learn the real meaning of compromise, and can find happiness in knowing that we are doing what's best for us instead of me. I hope we are a great example of marriage for our children, that we are committed to each other and to them for the long haul. I hope we are wise and kind and can discipline effectively. I hope that there are more fun times than times of doubt and despair.

Future Husband, this is a letter of promise. I promise that after a few years and when the cute "quirks" have transitioned into "tolerances," I will take a moment to recall how I felt when we first held hands, and the pure joy of first hearing you say that you loved me, and the way my breath caught so that I thought I would pass out when I first realized that I wanted to marry you. I will let those moments remind me that you have and will bring me happiness for a lifetime.

I promise that I will never ask you to relinquish your individuality for me. I will never demand that you become less you because it works better for me. If I do, please gently remind me that you were you long before you met me, and that being and individual is why we work together.

I promise that I will listen to your opinions and advice. I will not stubbornly charge ahead into my own plan, but realize that I have chosen you as a partner because I respect your opinion. You may need to remind me of that occasionally. I also promise that I will always do what I think is right, though, even if it goes against what you think. I hope that is one of the reasons you love me.

I promise that when I tell you that I will be with you til death do us part, I will mean it. When life becomes exceedingly challenging with money or health problems, if our children rebel in the worst ways, if we question our faith in God and in each other, I promise that I will not give up. I may be exhausted and I may wonder if it's all worth it, but I will uphold my vow to honour you and our marriage. I will seek every avenue for improvement, and when it seems like life is doing its best to push us apart, I will push back against it to bring us together.

Sincerely, and with love,
Your Future Wife

PS - we are naming all of our children after Harry Potter characters. Deal with it.

Number of books read in 2012: 7
Current TV series: The West Wing (season 3)
Today's nail colour: nails inc.'s "london town'


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