My 2014 Wish List

It's mid-February. I'm in the trenches of my final semester and trying to balance three jobs with a full course load, preparing for our graduate conference, fulfilling completely useless TA training hours, applying for jobs post-graduation, correcting a seemingly insurmountable pile of grading, and learning how to cross stitch. I'm sleep deprived, over-caffeinated, and on the verge of tears daily. (Truth be told, I'm not even on the verge; most days I shed a tear or two or hundreds, but only in the shower, so as not to ruin my makeup.)

Because I have a ten-page section of my Major Reasearch Project to research and write in the next five days, for three of which I will be out of town, I've decided to not write that and instead make a wish list for things I want that would make my life less stressful and much easier. (We could also rename this post: How I Want to Solve My First World Problems.)
  1. A machine that pumps caffeine directly into my blood stream. Bonus feature: it has the dual function of coffee maker and alarm clock.
  2. Rent-A-Cat. I pick up a cat for an hour-long cuddle/talking in a stupid voice session, and return it before I have to feed it or clean the litter box.
  3. A personal assistant whose job is to write down everything I say when talking about my research, and highlight all the excellent bits that I forget the minute after I say them. This PA would then insert those into the appropriate places of my paper.
  4. J.K. Rowling to take back what she said about Harry and Hermione being a better couple than Ron and Hermione.
  5. A boyfriend who doesn't have any problems or struggles or life of his own, but who is happy to listen to all of my complaints, feed me sushi, and watch Sherlock series 2 episode 1 on repeat with me. Also: he has a car and is completely free to drive me anywhere at any time.
  6. Broccoli that is actually chocolate.
  7. A fourth series of Gavin and Stacey
  8. A coffee date with Michel Foucault, French sociologist, historian, philosopher, and bane/love of my academic life, so he could write the aforementioned theory section for me.
  9. A red lipstick that actually stays all day, regardless of how much tea I drink.
  10. Classmates who actually do the assigned readings, so I do not have to lead the group talk for just one week. I need a break from talking about how my "whiteness" makes me feel vulnerable.
  11. Someone to hang the towel hook in the bathroom. I care enough to whine about it, but not enough to actually put it up.
  12. Dry shampoo that's the same colour as my hair, so I don't look like I've turned grey overnight every second day.
  13. Feet and legs that, as soon as they step into skates, become the limbs of a river dancer, magical and free, and for which skating is as natural as breathing or painting nails is for me.
  14. An envelope in the mail one day that contains all the mittens I've lost over the last 8 weeks.
  15. Someone who would finally tell Jian Ghomeshi that his Twitter selfies always make him look like a rapist. Adopt a new pose, my friend. Put away those bedroom eyes.
If you can make any of these dreams a reality, text me. I'll send you an hilarious gif in return.
Current book: ... what does reading for fun feel like? I forget
Current TV series: WHO HAS TEH TIIIIiiiIME!!>!?
Current nail colour: Essie's "Madison Ave-hue"(there's always time to paint nails)


Marion said…
I can't believe your almost done! I'm starting my masters in the fall - gonna be a long haul. You're not applying for jobs in Vancouver by any chance, are you?

Also, you're funny.
Marion said…
I can't believe your almost done! I'm starting my masters in the fall - gonna be a long haul. You're not applying for jobs in Vancouver by any chance, are you?

Also, you're funny.

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